How Do Bills Get Paid During Divorce? Understanding Pendente Lite Support

Divorces in New Jersey can sometimes be protracted and there is often a need to establish support orders to ensure that bills get paid during the divorce.  This is called pendente lite (latin for “awaiting the litigation”) support, which is support for a spouse and children during the divorce process.

Pendente Lite support, also known as temporary support, is a type of financial support ordered by a court in New Jersey during the pendency of a divorce or separation action. The Court’s authority to order this type of support is found at N.J.S.A. 2A:34-23 which provides:

Pending any matrimonial action brought in this State . . . the court may make such order or maintenance of the parties. . . as the circumstances of the parties and the nature of the case shall render fit, reasonable and just, and require security for the due observance of such order.

This type of support is intended to provide financial assistance to the dependent spouse and children while the divorce proceedings are ongoing.

Specifically, New Jersey Courts have found that the purpose of pendente lite alimony is to provide support for the dependent spouse while the divorce action is pending and to maintain the status quo as it existed at the time the action was instituted." - Lepis v. Lepis, 83 N.J. 139 (1980)  This support can consist of child support, spousal support, the payment of certain bills and expenses including the mortgage, utilities and private school or college tuition.

In New Jersey, pendente lite support is determined based on the needs of the dependent spouse and the ability of the supporting spouse to pay. The court will consider various factors, including the income and assets of both parties, the standard of living during the marriage, and the needs of any children involved.

The purpose of pendente lite support is to ensure that the dependent spouse can maintain their standard of living while the divorce proceedings are ongoing. It is also intended to ensure that the dependent spouse has the resources necessary to participate in the divorce proceedings and to hire an attorney if necessary. "Pendente Lite support orders are subject to modification at any time upon a showing of changed circumstances," Mallamo v. Mallamo, 327 N.J. Super. 597 (App. Div. 2000).

It is important to note that pendente lite support is not the final determination of support.  The court will make a final determination of support at the conclusion of the divorce proceedings, taking into account the same factors considered when determining pendente lite support. The Court even has the power to modify the pendente lite support including adjusting the amount of support at the time of the Final Judgment of Divorce to correct any errors in pendente lite awards. 

It is important to consult with a qualified family law attorney in New Jersey when seeking pendente lite support. An attorney can help you understand your rights and obligations, and can assist you in presenting your case to the court in the most favorable light. If you are thinking of divorcing your spouse or are worried about receiving appropriate support during a divorce please contact Georgia Fraser, Esq. of Fraser Family Law Office at (609(223-2099 to schedule a consultation.

5 Key Steps to Prepare Yourself to Divorce a Narcissist

One of the most frequent questions I am asked in my initial client consultations is whether I have any experience handling cases involving a narcissistic partner. In my almost 25 years of practicing family law, I often have to negotiate with or litigate against a narcissist. Because of the narcissist’s extreme sense of self-importance, lack of empathy and tendency to control and manipulate others, cases involving narcissists can be some of the most challenging legally and emotionally. Here are my top tips for dealing with a narcissist in the divorce process:

1.      Educate Yourself: The first step in divorcing a narcissist is to educate yourself about the nature of their personality disorder. Narcissists are often skilled manipulators who use every tactic at their disposal to maintain control over their partner including gaslighting, lying, distortion campaigns and playing the victim. Read books or speak to a mental health professional who can help you understand your partner and your relationship;

2.      Build A Support System: This can include a therapist, support group, friends or family who can provide emotional support and help you navigate the legal process and the emotional challenges of divorcing a difficult partner.  These healthy connections can help you with the emotional regulation and boundary setting that is necessary to deal with a narcissistic partner;

3.      Learn to Set Healthy Boundaries: Narcissists are often skilled at pushing boundaries and will try to control and manipulate their partners during and even after divorce.  It is important to learn how to disengage from the narcissist’s manipulations that often pull their partners into unnecessary drama and legal proceedings that increase the cost and the length of divorce proceedings;

4.      Resource Yourself: It is essential to take care of yourself emotionally and physically during the divorce process, but especially when divorcing a narcissist.  Often a narcissist will attempt to manipulate their partner in appearing to be the “crazy” one in a divorce or the less capable parent.  It is important to fill your emotional and physical tank with healthy resourcing in order to have the stamina necessary to fight a narcissist in a divorce proceeding. Its crucial to make time for self-care including exercise, healthy eating, connection with friends and activities that bring you joy;

5.      Find An Experienced Attorney: Narcissists are often highly litigious with a “burn it all down” mentality that they use to exhaust their partners into disadvantageous settlements or outcomes.  They often use the court system and divorce process as a way to continue to control and manipulate their partner. Its essential to have a good attorney who understands the dynamics of narcissistic personality disorder and who can advocate for your rights in Court as well as help guide you through litigating and negotiating with a narcissist.

For getting help with your difficult divorce proceeding or finding out more information about divorcing a narcissist please reach out to our experienced practice for help.  Please contact Georgia Fraser, Esq. of Fraser Family Law Office at (609)223-2099.

How to Fight Like a Grown Up In Divorce

Being a Capital “A” adult is not always easy and certainly not always fun- but in divorce it can help make the process smoother and less costly for you and your family. It can also help protect your children from unnecessary divorce related trauma and preserve civility in your relationship with your soon to be ex-spouse for smoother future co-parenting and interactions (think not only weekly pick-ups and drop-offs and holiday and vacation parenting time trades but graduations, weddings, and grandchildren).

Being a Grown Up in Your Divorce does not mean that you have to forego fighting for your own interests, but it does mean being responsible, respectful, and putting the best interests of your children first. An important aspect of acting like a grown up during a divorce is being financially responsible. This means being transparent about your finances and working with your spouse to maintain the status quo for your family during the divorce process and negotiating in good faith to create a fair and reasonable settlement.

Being respectful to your spouse during the divorce process is another important aspect of acting like a grown up in your divorce. This means being respectful to your spouse and their feelings and trying to see things from the other person’s point of view. Avoid name-calling, blame-shifting, and other forms of verbal abuse. Be willing to listen to your spouse's perspective and try to find common ground.

As John Gottman, renowned relationship expert and author of "Love Prescription: Ending the War Between the Sexes," states, "Fighting is a part of any relationship, but how you fight is the key. The goal is not to eliminate conflict, but to make sure that it doesn't turn destructive." It is important to learn how to express yourself in a healthy and constructive way, rather than resorting to personal attacks and name-calling. Rehashing past grievances, resentments and anger is not productive in a divorce setting unless done under the guidance of a mental health professional.”

In addition to being financially responsible and respectful, it is also important to put your children's best interests first. This means being willing to co-parent and make joint decisions about your children's upbringing, as well as being willing to put your own needs and wants aside for the sake of your children. It also means being reasonable and flexible about changes to parenting time schedules.

Acting like a grown up during a divorce can be difficult, but it is important to remember that your actions can dictate how difficult, protracted and costly your divorce will be and can have a lasting impact on you, your children and your future.  According to a study by the American Psychological Association, children of acrimonious divorces experience more depression, anxiety and behavioral problems than children of amicable divorces.

It is crucial to seek legal advice and representation from a family lawyer who can help you navigate the legal process and who encourages participation in divorce litigation in a responsible and respectful manner.  Reach out to our office to discuss how we can help you navigate your family law matter.  Contact Georgia Fraser, Esq. at 609-223-2099.