Lately I have talked to more and more clients and people that I consult with about the issue of resolve. An issue that we all grapple with, whether we are going through divorce or not. How do any of us know when we are ready? Ready to leave a job. Get married. Have a child. Buy a house. Make a change. Or end a relationship. In my work I have the blessing of sitting with and helping people at the hardest time of their lives. Oftentimes I deal with victims of domestic violence, who want to leave but are deeply afraid of being physically harmed or of not having enough money to survive on their own. Or Fathers and Mothers who feel they cannot end a marriage because they are afraid that their partner will try to take away custody of their children.
In these moments, I see the commonality of our human experience. Everyone is afraid at some time in their life. Everyone can feel stuck; like they cannot choose any of the options before them. I often tell people that come into my office that I cannot give them resolve. That they must bring it with them. That only they know when they are ready. But where does resolve come from? How do you find that spark of certainty? Most religions believe that something transcendent must intervene in order to free us from these moments and give us clarity and resolve. It is the universal concept of Grace that is present in the teachings of almost every world religion. It’s akin to an awakening of a kind of spiritual intelligence or interior life that reconnects us to our higher good. To how we truly want to spend our lives. What our purpose here is. And when it arrives -its like a small spark of certainty that ignites into a sure feeling in our gut that we are ready. That we know not only what we want to do, but that we are ready to do it.
I encourage the people that I meet with and speak to, who are not ready, who want to leave, but don’t know how, to get informed and understand what will most likely happen in their case legally, but then to take the time to find resolve. To be sure they are ready. The question of how to awaken that spiritual intelligence is different for everyone. So I encourage them to talk regularly to a counselor, trusted friend or family member. If they are religious- then maybe through their faith. But to feed their spirit good things for a bit, just the way you would feed a malnourished body good foods to heal. Reconnect with friends that maybe they have lost touch with. Remember to do the things that used to make them happy or bring them joy. For one special client, this was spending time riding horses. To spend time with people who make them feel uplifted and connected. To stay connected with their “team” who can provide support and encouragement (financially or otherwise). To get back in touch with that quiet voice inside that maybe warned them at the beginning or along the way in a relationship that there were signs of things that just didn’t feel right. And to learn to listen to that voice until its loud of enough to speak with certainty. With resolve.
When you're ready, please contact Georgia Fraser, Esq. of Fraser Family Law Office at (609)223-2099.